THE HEART OF LONGING

Early one Sunday morning in the early 1980's, I was running up a steep hill on the island of New Providence, in an area downtown near the elegant Governor General's house. It was a beautiful day in mid-January and cool enough to be able to run at 10a.m. Along with forty or so members of a for-fun running club, I was racing along, intent on finding a trail laid out using flour.

To my left, was an old, grey stone church. On the outside of the structure were white, slatted windows that swung out and were held in place by support rods. As I pounded up and over the arc of the hill, I suddenly heard a refrain of a hymn carried by the breeze. It was unexpected and sung with such force, it flooded my senses, instantly carrying me to a place I seemed to recognize but had not visited for a long, long time. In that moment, my legs wobbled beneath me, my heart opened and I began to cry wondering why the hymn would move me so?

In the mystical Sufi tradition, a moment like this is called Dhikr, the chanting of divine names in order to initiate remembrance of God. Although I did not realize it at the time, the power of the congregants singing was a beautiful gift that spoke to my deep longing and invited a 'turning of the heart' toward the divine. It was here, in this profound moment that my inner journey began.

Since then, there have been continuous turnings and openings of the heart which have had a three-fold effect: one an awakening to the consciousness of oneness, two a desire to do the inner work and three, a willingness to support and encourage others on their own inner journey.

Thich Nhat Hahn expresses this beautifully when he states,

"You are me and I am you. It is obvious that we inter-are. You cultivate the flower in yourself so that I will be beautiful. I transform the garbage in myself so that you do not have to suffer. I support you, you support me. I am here to bring you peace. You are here to bring me joy.
Knowing that we inter-are, there are simple self-inquiry questions we can contemplate to bring us back to the heart. Here are a selection:

* Am I working with the energy of the heart or against it?
* Am I trusting my innate wisdom?If not why not?
* How can I uplift myself and others at this time in my life?

By being willing to contemplate these questions again and again, we are continually aligning with the essence of our longing and giving voice to our own unique wisdom. In this way, we naturally find ourselves empowered to uplift, inspire and encourage everyone and everything in our world.

TRUSTING INNER WISDOM

In January 2003, my husband and I were living in an ashram in upstate New York. We had been there for five months after leaving India and with only four weeks left on our U.S. visitor's permit, we still had no work and no idea where we were going to live.

During this period, I was reminded of something I had heard repeated ‘inside’ since childhood. The inner message was, “You will always have work.” As a teen and early adult I had not paid much attention to this because it seemed obvious. There was a childish assumption that work would always be available. Now with a more mature perspective, I appreciated the gift of those words and hung on to them like a lifeline.

True to the insistence of the message, a couple of weeks before we were due to leave the ashram, I received an unexpected e-mail from the Director of an International school. He told me he had seen a short description of our details on an education website, and wondered whether my husband and I would be interested in setting up a new school in Odessa, Ukraine.

Turning to a world map, we saw that Odessa on the coast of the southern Ukraine on the black sea, and that it could offer a world of opportunity for traveling in Eastern Europe. With that, we felt a surge of anticipation, sent off our newly polished resumes and waited. Less than an hour later, the Director replied, expressing a keen interest in our skills and experience, and requesting a telephone interview.

What followed; was a warm, lively, three-way conversation ending with an offer of two full-time positions. Although we allowed a day or two to contemplate the proposal, my husband and I knew we would accept. Throughout the unfolding of these events, from beginning to end, there was an unmistakable synergy and flow. It simply felt ‘right.’ I had initially acted on an inner prompt to post our details on an educational site ‘discovered by accident’- and everything had unfolded from there. It was what the yogic texts describe as- “The effortless effort.” I had listened to and acted on inner-tuition, and the universe had responded.

Many, many times in my life, I have witnessed the outer expression of this truth and, I have learned that having the courage to trust the validity of what I am hearing inside is key. Sometimes inner messages appear as a flash of inspiration. At other times, they appear to whisper an alert toward an aspect of life that is out of synch or that no longer serves a higher calling. In what ever form the message appears, it is given as a priceless gift in order for me to trust my own deepest wisdom, and re-align with the spirit.

We never know where the path of our lives is going to take us. Having the faith to hear and then follow the voice of our own inner wisdom is what makes life exciting, spontaneous and filled with grace. When we listen to the whispers of our own unique spirit and have the courage to act on what it is urging us to acknowledge and embrace our lives are transformed in ways we could never have begun to imagine……

An Awakened Life

MIDNIGHT IN MUMBAI

On January 11th 2001, my husband Tony and I fulfilled a long-held dream of going to live and work in India, arriving in Mumbai at midnight. Sleepily juggling our way through the long lines, questions and organised chaos of customs and immigration, we finally stepped out into the night air and I was in awe.

Even at that time in the morning, there was a quality of sight, sound and smell which was unmistakable. It felt strange, yet deeply familiar as if I was coming home to a place I had always known and been longing to return to. My entire being seemed to be letting out a sigh of relief as if saying, “Finally, finally.”

We had prearranged for a minibus to take us to an ashram, which was a two and a half hour drive north of Mumbai. Bouncing along the highway in the musky darkness, we sat in silence taking it all in. As the sights and sounds of the night-time city fell further and further behind us, we headed off the main highway travelling down narrow lanes dissecting vast acres of fields, and past small villages with temples and oddly shaped shrines.

Pressing on, the driver cut more deeply into a valley taking narrow paths and bumpy twists and turns, until he eventually followed a long, sweeping bend and stopped with a jolt in front of the tall, serene, white domes of the ashram. Startled that we had finally arrived, I sat up with the intention of bringing all my senses to complete focus promising myself never to forget this moment. Though I had seen these compelling structures many times in photographs, to have them suddenly appear in front of me, was a sight to behold.

Gasping, I could immediately feel there was such stillness and profound peace emanating from every nuance and detail; it seemed as if the entire structure was breathing. Even in the darkness, the walls appeared to be moving and shimmering and sparkling with an other-worldly presence. Once more, I had the impression of being swept up into a memory of something long forgotten, but now being stirred to wakefulness.

Stepping off the bus at three thirty a.m. we also found ourselves in the midst of a compelling scene. It was ‘brahmamurti.’ In yogic texts, ‘brahmamurti’ is described as being the most auspicious time for meditation. This period falls between three and six a.m. During these hours, most people are sleeping, which means there is naturally less physical and mental noise, making meditation practices easier.

Outside the ashram, I was witnessing the truth of this profound stillness. Silent figures, with heads wrapped in shawls, were filing through a small door to the left of beautifully decorated, wide, pink lotus gates. Watching intently, I saw people removing their shoes, bowing to touch the step and then disappearing into the interior of the luminous, domed temple. From the doorway, incense was wafting out in huge plumes and hanging thickly in the night air before being drawn up into the atmosphere.

All at once, my entire senses were flooded with the fragrance, images and deep silence of brahmamurti. Taking everything in, I was being pulled into a familiar place of peace and contentment that was hard to define. My thoughts began slowing down until they disappeared entirely, leaving me standing in a quality of emptiness and fullness that I had simultaneously always known and at the same time, had always been searching for. This ‘place’ felt completely natural and totally right. It was like being submerged in and supported by a vast ocean.

It felt like home.......

Excerpt from: An Awakened Life - A Journey of Transformation

COULDN'T FIND A KNIFE

A local artist asked friends to select a cutting tool which represented a painful experience. However, though I searched, I was unable to find anything.

I realized why. Many fantasize about going to an enlightened teacher, imagining that he or she will dispense illumination. It isn't like that. An authentic teacher forces a seeker to own the darkness within and withdraw projections.

The greatest pain in my life has been acknowledging that I am the one creating the depression, the anger, the frustration. This is why I couldn't find a knife.

Instead I found a mirror.

THE GIFT OF LOSING EVERYTHING

October 6th, 2008 is a day I will never forget. My husband and I were packing to fly to Santa Monica, California to attend the wedding of a close friend. After years of what she termed as being, 'maritally challenged,' my friend had met a wonderful man and we were looking forward to witnessing their union.

However, on the eve of the trip, we turned on the television and with shock and disbelief, listened to a newscaster announcing that our bank had dramatically collapsed. It was surreal. Alongside the sickening awareness that our life savings were suddenly swallowed up, was the searing insight that I was looking into the face of my worst possible fear. As a child, I had inherited two things from my father, one a strong work ethic and two, the belief that,

"Money does not grow on trees and is hard to come by."

In the past, this kind of situation would have thrown me into complete turmoil and prompted an inner tsunami. However, after years of meditation practices and having learned to view everything as an aspect of my own consciousness, I knew what needed to be done.

First, I accepted the situation as a gift, immediately creating an intention to turn it into a positive, abundant experience.

Second, I wrote a statement in my journal declaring:

"Fine! If we have lost everything, then let this be a beautiful starting point. How do I wish to spend the remainder of my life? What is it that I have always wanted to do and never had the courage to initiate?"

Third, I began to work on the situation energetically.

When I sat quietly and asked:

"How does this financial situation manifest in terms of an image and a metaphor for my life?"

I saw a huge, dark pit, descending deep into the ground. It was potentially terrifying and I knew it had the power to suck me in, draining all my energy and resources. The title I gave it was:

"Bottomless Pit."

Now that I could 'see' it, I declared that I was choosing to respond positively and began directing light to the image, working on reducing the size of the opening. For days and weeks after, every time fear began surfacing in response to lack, I would visualize the hole becoming smaller and smaller until it was completely gone. In its place, rising up and out into the universe, was a strong web of light, like a vast tree, spreading golden limbs into infinity reflecting the truth that the universe gifts us with limitless resources if we believe we are the source of abundance, rather than believing in lack.

The gift of losing everything was amazing. I was finally forced to face my subconscious fears around lack and I had to access the courage to take ownership of what I most wanted to create in my life, centered around sharing my spiritual gifts, skills and talents. Since then, I have come to realize that when we have the courage to BE who we are, rather than hiding in fear, we become the embodiment of abundance and the universe can not help but respond in kind.

Excerpt of Lesson Two: 'From Turmoil to Transformation'-

in conjunction with Daily OM at:

http://www.dailyom.com

WHAT CAN BE SAID OF LOVE?

What can be said of love?
That has not been spoken of,
In a million ways,
And on a million tongues?

In vain,
We try giving form,
To the formless,
Like attempting,
To capture light,
In a small glass jar.

Many moons ago,
I thought,
I knew what love was,
But thinking,
Has no part in this.

When I looked,
Into the eyes,
Of the Beloved,
I gave myself,
To infinity.

Once there,
I was captivated,
By the mysteries,
Of worlds,
Within worlds.

Now,
There is,
No hope,
For me.

You see,
I am gone,
Having realized,
I am drunkenly,
And,
Hopelessly,
Lost,
In,
You.

JUST LET GO

For one sweet moment,
Just let go,
Of the million thoughts,
Dancing around,
In your mind.

Though enticing,
They will wear you out.

In truth,
You are not,
The captain of any ship,
Deciding where to go.

Instead,
You are,
The vast ocean,
Of limitless,
Consciousness.

And,
Really,
There is no need,
To try,
And control,
The stunning beauty,
And mystical nature,
Of who you,
Really are.